Lottel VS HULK VS

I bought it today because, well, it has Deadpool. And I like Deadpool. But I am not a huge fan of the Hulk or Wolverine, though I appreciate them. Thor can suck my nuts, the mullet having, funny talking, goosestepping, Thunderbitch. I watched the Wolverine movie on the disk, and honestly? Not that bad. Deadpool was pretty good. Not the voice they used before and I don’t think it fit that well, and he seemed actually sane. He was talkative, sure, but not crazy. Lady Deathstrike pissed me off. Kaijin this and Wolverine-san that. She lives in Canada for crying out loud. Omega Red? Not very noticeable or memorable in this movie. Eh. Who really pissed me off more than anything else? Sabertooth. First of all, animation for his eyes were all wonky. Made him looked retarded. He also got his ass kicked by every fricking person in the movie. And as soon as he fought the hulk BAM out like a light for the rest of the movie. T__T Sure. I can buy that. Anyway, the people who made the movie were actually competent. Mostly. I DO NOT LIKE NOLAN NORTH, the voice of Deadpool. He did all his voice acting and everything based on A DESCRIPTION he heard. Bah. I know it is voice acting but he had already taken the job to voice him. Sigh. Anyway, I will eventually get around to watching the Thor movie… Probably.

BATMAN IS CRAZY

This is an essay I wrote for some class or another. About Batman.

Batmaniac on the Loose

Bruce Wayne is crazy, simple as that. At the tender young age of ten, billionaire Bruce Wayne witnessed his parents murdered by a mugger. He has never gotten over this and became obsessed with crime and crime-fighting. He feels guilty for his parents death as they were killed walking out of a movie he wanted to see and because his mother was wearing the pearl necklace he wanted her to wear. He decided to emulate his childhood hero, Zorro, and became a cunning, masked vigilante. He became a true super hero, a man rising to the occasion to fight crime and injustice. The only problem is, he is unstable.

With that kind of history under his belt, not to mention the fact he is battling criminals who are often crazy themselves, it only makes sense that Batman has mental problems. In fact, it is thought by fans (and often confirmed by the writers) that Bruce Wayne left his personality and fully became Batman, only using the Bruce Wayne personality as a cover for Batman. Sometimes though the Bruce Wayne personality splits off from Batman and the two war for control over the body, as seen in Batman: Ego. Batman has also created the ever popular Batmite, a character supposedly from another dimension that turns out to be part of his imagination, and Batman Hmann Zurr, a strangely clad Batman who is Batman’s “back-up” personality to be used when he loses his grip on reality. His mask is symbolic. The bottom half a man symbolizing the actions of a man, top half a hero symbolizing the mind of a hero. It allows for him to maintain some sort of hold onto both worlds, unlike Twoface whose face is divided into half the other way, his mind split between man and monster. Batman has a loose hold on reality and can only focus on crime. Anything else makes him sloppy, irregular, and at times, incoherent. His paranoia doesn’t help. The only person he trusts completely is his father-figure of a butler, Alfred. Batman has no loves in his life. He distrusts women. Whether this is because they always leave him because he cannot reveal his secret or because the women he meets most are villains.

Batman is egotistical and a jerk at the best times. He saves people all the while bemoaning their stupidity and lack of common sense that got them into that mess. He fights the villains to save them, trying to bring them back from the edge of sanity. Maybe he does this to show that he too can one day be saved, thus giving him hope. Or maybe he does it because he is violent and misplacing the anger at himself onto those that society (and his childhood hero) deems acceptable to attack, Batman has at many times admitted he enjoys the violent aspect of crime fighting. Through these fights and the single mindedness that Batman is famous for, he has created his own villains. The Joker was created by Batman himself as he accidentally knocked a mostly innocent man who got caught up in a mob plot into a vat of acid and chemicals. This created a scarred man who swore to destroy Batman any way possible, though he often attacks Batman’s fragile mind. The Riddler appeared when Batman boasted he could solve any crime, beat any riddle, Edward Nigma was already a small-time crook with an ego the size of Gotham, Batman gave him the perfect enemy. Twoface came about when Batman failed to protect his friend and ally Harvey Dent from a horrible accident. Poison Ivy was a woman disgusted at the pollution Wayne Enterprises puts out. So Batman actually created his own villains, which suits him as he apparently needs to fight.

In recent times, however, Batman has lost it completely. His whole life has been built on the fact that his parents were righteous and upstanding citizens and were murdered for no real reason other than monetary gain of a common crook. When a group called the Black Glove shows up and starts attacking Batman, he realizes the leader of the group looks a lot like his father. It turns out, that it is in fact Thomas Wayne. He hired the crook to kill his wife and child and a lookalike and escaped with billions of dollars. Why did he kill his wife? She had an affair with Alfred and fathered a son. Batman upon learning this completely broke down and reverted to his “back-up” personality for a while. When he began putting everything together and the Black Glove began attacking Batman’s allies, Batman finally crossed the line he swore he never would. He started killing. He killed several people before he confronted his father in a helicopter. He killed the pilot and crashed the helicopter straight into the ground, killing both himself and his father in one fell swoop. Batman is dead now and people are finally learning exactly how crazy Batman was. Both of the Robins commented they apparently never understood their mentor and how much he deserved to be in Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane.

There you have it. Childhood hero to millions, Batman, is crazy. He always was and just went a little further off the deep end at the end of his life. With paranoia, schizophrenia, and forced psychosis, not to mention many guilt and anger issues, he climbed to the top of the world, figuratively, and crashed most spectacularly, both figuratively and literally, into the ground, leaving us to pick up the pieces and feel pity for this man.

Today’s Finds

AHA! I found the Taskmaster miniseries while searching through longboxes at work today.And since I found it, I got first dibs.
Taskmaster 1-4 is the only time he doesn’t appear as a pansy. Sad really, he’s so badass in this series. And the series sells for $50 or so on eBay. I got it for $30! I’m so happy I found it. It’s pretty rare. I will be writing a review possibly tomorrow.

I also found Spawn | Batman. Turns out it is horrible. It’s written by Frank Miller and boy, it doesn’t show. Batman grunts and every other word is punk and fumbles through what he is doing and even lets Superman’s secret identity slip.
And the art is good… but it is completely ruined by the writing.

Still, it was cheap so I’m not complaining too much. I might be writing a review on this too.

The Helm: UPDATED 12-09-08

I just picked up a copy of The Helm from Dark Horse. It’s about a fat, video store clerking, lives-with his mother geek. After his girlfriend dumps him (and gets fired) he finds a garage sale where he finds a magic helmet. The Helm says he is the chosen one and they are bonded for life to go fight monsters and stuff. Problem is he’s fat and stupid. (And cowardly. And a lot of other bad things) And the Helm doesn’t want him so he tried to be rid of him.

Good comic. Nice art. Good jokes. Issue two is out now and I’m going to pick it up as well.

Mayhap you should as well.

(Cover from Issue 2)

All right gang… Issue 4 came out a little while ago and… well… It’s the last issue. Which is sad because the comic to an unexpected and quite awesome turn. In issue two he sort of told his sort of girlfriend. The last two issues involved them telling him he is crazy. They say he got so depressed about his crappy life he is suffering from a psychotic episode. That is why this helmet is talking to him. He lost his grip on reality. So he goes to fight monsters and stuff all the while questioning his own sanity while his loved ones try to catch him and put him away. Awesome and I wish there was more.

New Content!

I’m working on the next review. Some things have come up. My grandma’s operation, my mom coming over for a week, birthdays, new jobs.

Mostly though, I am waiting on one more issue of the next comic to be review, Robert Kirkman’s Battle Pope!

That and I plan on doing a little comic here and there about working in a comic store. The new post will be a double! One is a review, one is a comic!

Stay tuned.

Oh No You Di’n’t

If you are like me, then you like the Mercenary 2 commercial. Firstly, because the using of the dollar bills ‘style’ on the characters and backgrounds is clever. Secondly, cuz things go boom. Mostly, it’s because you can’t get that damn song out of your head.

Here hear: http://www.pandemicstudios.com/mercenaries/downloads.php

It’s there. Download it. Free. And listen until your ears bleed. But know this. The song will still echo in your head. I suggest drugs. Or violence. Or both if you are up to it.

On review related news, I am currently deciding between three or four different comics. I am currently leaning towards the Sonic the Hedgehog comics. More than likely the robot-on-robot action one who’s title currently eludes my grasp. I am a Sega fanboy and a comic nut. It seems to be a sure thing. But who knows?

I’ll post by Wednesday unless I don’t. Then something bad has happened to me.

EDIT: The title is Mecha Madness.

Comic Review GO! Heroes Reborn: Remnants

Ooookay. Been a while for both of us.

This time around I am only doing one comic. One lone issue. I read it and I think it deserves a lot of attention. I am going to give everything away about this comic but you should still read it.

HEROES REBORN: REMNANTS
Apparently Marvel took all its superheroes from earth 616 and threw them on another earth that was just the imagination a little boy. Then some bad guy came around and said “Hey. You go home or I’ll kill everything.” So all the heroes went home. Sounds stupid right? That’s why no on bought Heroes Reborn. Remnants, the sequel, starts after the heroes leave and earth has no heroes anymore. So a bunch of no talent schmucks become heroes and go off to fight this guy who’s goin’ around actin’ all murdery.
We have:
Mant. (Short for Mantis I think) The janitor for Ant-Man. When he realized that Ant-Man wasn’t coming back to work (and for some strange reason left a shrink helmet) he decided to put it on and fight crime.
Panther Cub. Some kid found an old Black Panther costume and fights crime in it. Problem? He’s like 12. The suit is twice as big as him. Also he’s a dick.
Sterling. My second favorite character in this. He’s a horny bugger who got the Silver Surfer’s residual power. Man the heroes left a lot around.
Amazo-Maxi-Woman. The Ultimate Adaptoid (before your time kids) gained sentience and became a ditzy chick. Super hot android quota is filled.
Miss Thing. Pissed of and sexually frustrated hot chick. Apparently she killed Wolverine with a rock (which is the weirdest thing in the issue seeing as she has no powers and Wolvie can’t be killed like that) and duct taped parts of his skeleton to her body… OOoooKay then…

The first thing we see is the team posing for a press release stating that, yes, the are heroes, as pitiful as they maybe. They then get a call on the Hotline (which is a singing Elvis phone) and meet up with a strange Nick Fury wannabe. He tells them that someone put Groucho glasses on the sphinx. Oh and killed a couple hundred men and stole a hellicarrier. Who could’ve done such a thing? Their mentor and all around Last-hero-left-from-the-Avengers, DEADPOOL! Apparently he was this straight-laced version of Deadpool who loved peace and meditation and he actually organized the Remnants. Then, during an afternoons meditation (trying to pick a good team name) he reaches Nirvana and learns that this reality is just the figment of a child’s imagination. This sends him off the deep end and becomes more of the Deadpool we love.
During a rather short and anti-climatic battle with DP’s henchman, the Remnants meet their old teacher… And find out he’s freaking huge. Seriously fat. (Which isn’t possible because of his ubermetabolism but hey) Also he has a little kid for a sidekick. Personally, I think that is great. He’s corrupting a youth so thoroughly and appears to enjoy it as much as I hoped.

Oh and Deadpool has hundreds of nukes on the hellicarrier and is ready to use him. The Remnants scream “NO!” and then proceed to argue (and make sexual comments) amongst themselves. Deadpool hits the launch button when they say no but doesn’t tell them until they start paying attention. (“[You] shouldn’t keep a supervillain with ADD waiting.”) A fat Deadpool with a cowboy hat is seen riding a missile and Miss Thing comments about how the imagery turns her on. Then we cut to the Watcher who comments that every universe has to have a Deadpool and that they always seem to do this. Then he makes a gesture to DP and the missiles as the whole moon is covered with nukes. The Remnants are on earth and watching this happen in a daze. Mant asks if anyone knows how to sew up the universe to fix the tear DP has created. The end.

Now, I’ve talked more about Deadpool than anything in this review and there are two reasons. One: I love Deadpool. Two: This issues doesn’t really seem to be about the Remnants too much. I mean Deadpool get’s more backstory then these rejects. I’m sure the next issues (if there are any. I’m having trouble finding info on that) contain more about the Remnants. But they just weren’t that interesting this time around. I’d like to read more and will update you if I find any.
I applaud Marvel on giving this a shot. The whole idea is pretty good and works well as the set up for the Remnants. I like loser hero teams. The GLI comes to mind. But this idea is great. It’s nice to go to another reality like this occasionally and thrust some new faces instead of just retelling hero stories and adding new powers. The humor in this comic Is pretty good and is definitely more for an older audience with all the sexual commenting and the references to things the younger audiences wouldn’t get (the UltraAdaptoid). I say if you see it, pick it up. The art is good and the story is great and the little things like how Mant has huge buck teeth really make this item worth it. Plus it has Deadpool. I, Lottel, rate this a Stand Up Comic. (cue rimshot)

Comic Review? Yes Please! Cable and Deadpool 1-50

Alright! 3rd time I’m typing a comic review! Woohoo! Only this time, the comics are just out so no sorting through massive piles of old comics or trying to back order some obscure title! On today’s Menu:

CABLE AND DEADPOOL

Now, I’m sure you all know Cable. The self-proclaimed savior from the future. Half-machine, half-telepath. Shoots guns and whatnot… Blah blah. BORING. The true star of this series is Deadpool, merc with a mouth. If you don’t know about him, he has a healing factor like wolverine, a horribly scarred face, a preference for things that go boom, and a love for Bea Arthur. He shoots things and dices them up with katana. He makes pop culture references and breaks the fourth wall every other panel. This team up is no different. Cable and Deadpool make an unlikely team, Cable a serious mutant with an agenda and Deadpool, a wisecracking nutcase. They have their fun in this monthly series. That is, until 3/4’s of the way through the series, Cable doesn’t show up anymore. And his appearances have been on and off as it was. So Deadpool was the star. Which is great. His confusion as to whether or not he is a hero or a villain is once again in the spotlight. So is his zany actions.

In this series Cable takes his place as the ruler of Rumekistan, and tries to make the world a better place. He is against the civil war and sees it as a stepping stone to a police state ruled by the government and their pet superheroes. Deadpool is bouncing back and forth between a violent merc and a hero. The series starts before the civil war and continues through it and ends after it. You get to see how it affects people not even involved with the Civil War titles. It goes through Hydra battle stations, and travelling through time. Deadpool even teams up with the Avengers to defeat alien dinosaurs.

All in all Cable & Deadpool is a great series. I know I didn’t cover it thouroughly, but that is because the series isn’t long enough to give away some parts and too short for overview. Cable and Deadpool runs 50 issues, most of with you can still find in comic shops. The editors and artists even get into the fun leaving comments and talking at the end of the issues. I strongly suggest picking up issue 50 which just came out on the 20th. It is the last Cable and Deadpool and it is the last appearance of Deadpool as a main character for a while. And at the end of the issue they have a search-and-find. Totally worth the couple bucks you have to fork over.

Overall I, Lottel, declare that Cable and Deadpool is a stand up comic!

Comic Review. Evan Dorkin’s CIRCLING THE DRAIN

Ok. I admit it. I kinda forgot to update this for a loooooong time. Mostly because I didn’t have stable internet connections forever. Now I do. So here it goes. I hope you enjoy.
Circling the Drain by Evan Dorkin

Circling the Drain is a collection of the Dork comics. This is the second paper back and contains Dork 7-12. Dorkin, if you don’t know, is sorta of a cult classic type of guy. Really, anyone who doesn’t write the mainstream comics are nowadays. But his humor style’s is dark. Quite dark. His better known works include Murder Family (about a murdering family, duh.), Milk and Cheese (a murderous duo of dairy, I reviewed them last time), and he did the American Shin-Chan. Dork is dark too. He writes about funny deaths and murders and also about his own life. About this book in particular… it contained Dork #7, the infamous comic in which it shows the author have his nervous break down. He has one… and writes it! It is an interesting thing to read no doubt and if you ever draw, you can see a lot of yourself in his character.

This collection also contains more of the Devil Puppet’s Invisible College of Secret Knowledge, a strange little cult where a devil puppet (worn by the author) tells tales of peoples lives that no one knows about. It’s not bad and forces the Devil Puppet into a main character. The Devil Puppet appears later in the book when Dorkin is drawing and is pestered by his inner artist, inner frat boy, and the inner capitalist. A great part in my opinion. Something that anybody who draws experiences in one way or another.

What is missing from this is the Eltingville Club, which is collected in another book. The Eltiville Club is a comic about geeks and nerds. It is about Boba Fett loving and D&D playing. He even wrote a pilot episode that was aired on Adult Swim years ago. It’s still floating around the net. I suggest you check it out.

As for the art:

He has a wide range. A range that you can see quite clearly if you’ve seen enough of his works. He goes from detailed characters to little more than stick figures in a panel. He uses his art styles to get the point across and emphasis emotion. It works wonderfully. Dark and bloody (and in black and white. No sissy grey here) his art stays inside your head whether you want it to or not.

Overall I like it.I am a fan of Dorkin’s work and I identify with the guy. He’s a fellow comic drawer and has anxieties and all the other things that many of us feel. It does get creepy and gross often, so if you have a week stomach or something, I suggest you find something else to do… (Like fall off a cliff, or knit… Whichever). For the rest of you, Circling the Drain is a great thing to get your hands on if you can. Most places don’t carry a lot of Dorkin’s work so you will probably have to order it, either at the book/comic book store or online at http://www.slgcomic.com. Why you are ordering stuff check out the rest of the Slave Labor comics. The feature all of Dorkin’s works and even Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (comic from the Zim guy). That’s all for now… Well, almost. I, Lottel, declare that Circling the Drain is a Stand Up Comic. (get it? Get it? PUNS GALORE!)

Your Party Walks up to the Shop…

There is a comic book store in town I’ve never been to. It is dubbed Capital Comics. Now I have always been a loyal customer of Spud’s Emporium and have never been to another comic book store. Well, once… Still, Spud’s is my Mecca. But it is 5 hours away, not good for an impulse purchase.

Today I felt like buying a new handbook. I gathered my party. A chaotic neutral cleric (Xesh), a priestess of unknown alignment (Kym), and myself, a neutral neutral thief. Since I was leading the party, I found the mode of transportation and took everyone to gather supplies.

We ventured forth to our destination. The whole trip took 35 minutes or so. After a couple wrong turns or two, we arrived at the shop… There we encountered a nameless NPC standing outside the shop. We then fell into a trap, having failed to roll Spot Check and tried to open a false door, much to the amusement of the NPC. So we followed him around the corner and saw a sign… This sign said that a large shipment had came in so the NPC behind the counter was busy sorting. Sounds like the Great DM is a lazy asshole to me…

The party sat and pondered the next move. A quest! A journey to the pub we often used to visit back in the days of the formation of the party. So we called others to join us and we disappointed. They had other quests. So we hung out at Riches and noticed a new face behind the counter. We rightly ignored him, knowing NPCs are never around for long and proceeded in thoroughly enjoying (destroying) the establishment.

—-End—-