My Katamari

A little poem I wrote last year, while playing Katamari Damacy.

“In a freak accident,” said the King
“I had, in the cosmos, destroyed everything.
Now Earth is alone in the sky
And no one down there quite knows why.”

“So in order to please everyone,
I shall send you down to Earth, my son.
Here take this tie-dye ball
And go to Earth and roll up it all.”

So here I am with my katamari
Rolling up thumbtacks, penguins, calamari,
Sandals, spiders, teddy bears,
Tube socks, toilet paper, and underwears.

I’ve got mahjong tiles and postage stamps,
Nails, screws, and magic genie lamps.
Erasers, pencils, glue and staplers,
School books, backpacks, and notebooks of papers.

Rolled up I have both golf and ping-pong balls.
I’ve collected both action figures and girls dolls.
I have swans and geese and crows and ducks,
And those ceramic cats that give good luck.

Sheep and fish, dogs and cats,
Turtles, tortoises, mice, and rats.
Shoes, juice, milk, and memory cards.
Those stupid flamingoes people put out in there yards.

Calculators, purses, cell phones,
Bug zappers, moths, garden gnomes.
Flowers, apples, bushes, trees,
School girls, bikes, and little old ladies.

Sandcastles, swimmers, and otters.
First the mother, then her sons and daughters.
Piggy banks, Famicoms, candy bars.
C batteries, 9-volts and RC cars.

Now, you may think that I’m kinda mean.
Getting enjoyment out of hearing their screams.
I like to watch them run and hide.
None have escaped, though many have tried.

I roll up cities, people and all.
Everything sticks to my tie-dye ball.
Sure, it important to light up the heavens,
But I’m just doing this for the presents.

Red Light

About my true love. Guess it and you win a prize!

I press the button
On with the red light,
The screen turns black
Showng the copyright

The screen fades white
That hero of mine
He runs past
Leaving little lines

With another pass
Your name is displayed
As your voice sings
I am left…dismayed

My head swims
With memories of you
Of your man of green
and hedgehog of blue

For years you sat there
Black and sleek
Not one knew
Of your future bleak

Flash forward several years
Because of bad marketing
And that new playstation
The masses let fall their king

You’re still around,
Barley hanging on
But merely shadows
Of what is gone

The screen flickers
From lack of play
So I start and
Continue ’till day

A solitary figure
That remembers your plight
I am alone
With your red light

Ode to a Sniper Bitch

A poem I wrote last year about everyone’s favorite person to loathe. The Sniper Bitch

O sniper bitch,
Hiding in that rocky crag,
Hiding from sight
Yelling out “Fag!”

When you start
The match, you run
To get your very
Favourite gun.

If someone else gets
It you cry foul
You throw down the controller,
Kick and howl.

If you get your rifle
You run and hide
Yelling out comments,
Most are snide

You make jokes
About my mama
‘Bout how she ‘did it’
With a llama

Every shot you shoot
Is a headshot
But you always say something
About crotch rot

No rockets for you,
Just a sniper.
You got a gay name
Like “Death’s Viper”

Your favourite game
Is “Abuse the Newbie’
Let’s see you play
A game that’s 2-D

You say “I’ll kick
Your ass IRL!”
Well, asshole,
I’ll see you in hell.